I
(A missing Sunday)
It was a weekend to read and write.
The first half of Saturday was spent on the uroflowmetry test. In the rest of the day, I read a bit, made some posters, but I didn’t write. Nevertheless, I had the next day.
Sunday- I got from 64.6 to 65.3 kgs. I was disappointed.
I entered the same loop again.
I lost any hope gathered through the week.
I slept late on Saturday, was faced with a weight-shocked Sunday morning, and went to sleep again after receiving the shock. I slept till 12 noon. I didn’t want to face the world.
AND I DIDN’T WRITE. Big waste. The weekend is my paradise, because then I get some time to write. But I took the chance away from myself.
The next day, Monday, my weight was back to 64.5.
So, I wasted my Sunday busy being hopeless, when there was nothing wrong with my water balance. The result of my uroflowmetry test was bad, but I knew it would be.
There was no new reason to worry. Nothing I didn’t know.
EVEN IF THERE WAS A REASON TO WORRY, WAS IT RIGHT FOR ME TO LOSE HOPE AND DIG MY HEAD IN A HOLE, WAITING FOR MY EXECUTION?
OR WAS IT NOT BETTER TO KEEP MYSELF IN PEAK MENTAL AND PHYSICAL CONDITION TO DEAL WITH THE ISSUES?
Which brings us to the next article…
II
(A forgotten lifesaver)
I am back in the thick of things. Working and all. Things are settling day by day, hour by hour. I am also on my way to the ways of the Hedge (after going off-track following the operation).
I keep reminding myself I need to be the best in the world- for which it is required I focus on one thing at a time. When done right, it works like magic.
The unworthy- malicious, trivial, from the past, of the future- all kinds of thoughts not welcome in my pursuit of greatness are sidelined.
But I had a feeling I was missing a beat; forgetting something significant.
Yesterday the work got too much for me. I wasted almost the whole day searching things irrelevant for my assignment. The work and the team are new for me; of course, I need time to adjust. But I am also the best in the world. How can I show myself to be incompetent to the mere mortals in my team? They need to mind the gap, no?
So, I took it a bit hard on myself, draining my mental resources which I needed for something crucial…
…Dr Sengupta told me to seek advice from a urologist ASAP.
I have been telling him about this issue for more than a month now. He kept sliding the problem as not serious. He had even called me to his office for a physical examination, and cleared me of any complications.
One feels good at being right, but not like this.
Then something struck me.
I preached myself to live in the moment. But I didn’t properly reinforce the preaching with the reasons for the belief.
If I am in the moment, I have the wherewithal to do the best I can in that moment.
And I have a lot of energy saved up to focus on any kind of crisis.
Most crucially, I am better prepared for medical/ work emergencies when I am in the moment than when I am not.
Therefore, there is NO reason NOT to be in the moment.
That is why I followed it in the hedge. That is why the program was so successful.
That is why I didn’t lose my sanity
and felt like the best in the world.
When I am in the moment, any problem, any task, or even nothingness is handled in the best way possible
Thinking about various things, especially of the stressful kind will NEVER get me an answer, or any semblance of a positive outcome.
For some primal reason, we believe we will benefit from thinking about the problem. It is right to a degree, as stress keeps us in check and on our toes.
But I am different.
I am neurotic. I never stop thinking about the small things, leave alone the big, troublesome, possibly dangerous stuff. Hence it is vital for me to take a step back.
Because I don’t have to try to remember my troubles. They will always be lingering about my ear. I just need to keep it light in my head. That is the way I am best equipped to handle them. To each his own.
Self-awareness is critical for self-care.
Just being in the moment and acting like I did in the times of endless jeopardy will also aid me in normal times.
I don’t need to be in trouble to start doing the good things.
AND DON’T FORGET THINKING ABOUT STUFF, KNOWINGLY OR UNKNOWLINGLY (UNCONSCIOUSLY) WILL NEVER GET ME THERE, EVEN IF IT FEELS LIKE IT.
Being in the moment will give me all the tools to handle situations both BENIGN AND CRITICAL.
Not to be particularly good, which is a byproduct
But because it’s the best way to do things and handle things. It helps in:
Solving problems,
learning in the best way,
achieving peak confidence,
clarity,
levity,
happiness.
It’s ok to fail to remember the good things we have forgotten (unexpectedly or mistakenly),
It is not advisable to forget them, but permittable.
Getting back on track and thinking back-
when we feel we are missing something and going in the wrong direction-
is critical.
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