Pummi Di is ignoring me.
She does not call me; neither does she pick up my calls.
When she does pick up, she says she’ll call back….
But she doesn’t.
My home was destroyed in a cyclone which hit Balasore last year. It feels like the sky is falling.
Added to the misery is the one person I sought out in difficult times had marooned me.
Maybe she got too busy after her marriage. Maybe she changed.
She probably has better things to do, or she has met enough people who serve all her physical and emotional needs that she can do without my presence in her life.
All this has made me frustrated and angry. I expected much better of her.
But I have to be strong; probably adjust my expectations.
I can’t afford to stop my efforts to reach out. The door providing entry into my heart should stay open.
I will still call her.
I will still poke her.
If I get a chance, I’ll tell her how her actions/lack of response affected me. After expressing myself, my heart would be relatively stable, even if she behaved in a similar indifferent stead.
I’ll still be there for her, as some other people have been there for me. Generally it has been me who didn’t reciprocate properly/sufficiently with Kushagra, Sukumar, Saumitra ……..
All this while I have to remember my loathing her indifference will hurt me- and only me; she doesn’t have a clue.
If I let the bitterness pass, I’m forgiving myself, not her, and thus allowing my wounds to heal.
Since the time when I could access the phone, she was the first person I called in testing times. She always seemed to have time for me (at least she always made some). It was apparent she cared.
Through the years she has done a lot for me, enough so that I am indebted to her for all eternity. There is a reason I seek her presence and her touch.
There has to be a reason for such an abrupt change in her behavior. She could be short on money, and not be in a position to assist me monetarily in these extreme circumstances.
Perhaps she fears being overwhelmed by the news of my struggle and feels she could possibly make me feel worse about the fix, and only deteriorate matters.
Maybe she feels guilty for not responding, as one does when he/she reaches out (to someone) to a lesser degree than is expected or required. They are terrified of the conversation/questions awaiting them- Why did they not call? Why didn’t they pick up the phone? Why didn’t they ask after the person who needed asking after? Did they not care at all?
I am probably too tired and too defeated and her actions are unintentional, akin to how I treated my parents. They wanted/expected me to keep in touch, and I found it somewhat inconvenient/irrelevant.
What goes around really does come around.
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