Part 1
I don’t know how long this piece will end up being.
A while back, when I started practicing to write, I was insecure and lacked technique. Additionally, I had a high dose of nerves- a fear of finding myself to be really bad at a thing I wanted to be fairly decent at. At first, a 500 word day was a good day. Another 500 word day would follow in 2 months’ time. Highly inefficient this.
Yet I was working towards something.
I recognized a few skills which needed proper attention, worked on each of them separately- and curated a solid ground for me- a springboard of a proper writing gig. The gig did not need to be a writing-based job or something published in my name. What it surely needed to be was something for me to read and read again- by chronicling my experiences/feelings and editing them till they felt readable.
When a person wishes to get good at a discipline, small steps etch a direction to follow, leading to a place which is desirable.
I taught myself to jot down ideas and to develop the wares and wherewithal to create things; and I learnt to edit like a person who hates himself- a good thing in its own way. I sculpted a set of ideas into a world created merely using words. It was empowering.
It was readable.
It was something.
I recognized every piece of the written word could be edited to read better. I could write anything, absolutely anything, and edit it again and again till it became passable.
It could be a match review or an experience or a story or a random whim. It could be poorly written, confused, unnecessarily wordy, or prohibitively brief. All matter can be worked on, rinsed out, tested from all angles, and finally laid out as something with flow and meaning.
Something about something.
It’s still a chaotic process and it takes ample time to mend the gibberish- the pieces come together bit-by-bit. There is always a backlog of material I cannot get around to finalizing. With time I am certain I will get around this problem also. The only thing I can’t do is to stop writing.
Months of deliberations and frustration has brought me to a point where I am able to combine my general/business writing techniques with tips and tricks of creative writing.
What seemed chaotic and disintegrated and scattered and vague and impossible and a waste of time is taking shape now.
Equally precious is the knowledge that everyday life is the best source of ingenuity. I can pen the mundane or the profound moments and aspects of my existence.
Creative writing is not just about writing stories. If we look closely, all good art is derivative of the real world.
Part 2
As Neil Gaiman instructed, the short story is the perfect medium to hone the craft of composition. It makes you put one word after another, which is the most important part of the whole exercise- writing consistently lets us find our voice.
Every idea is a story, it just needs to be noted down, elaborated and discovered. So while writing about little nothings, I counted each note I made as a short story. I found great pride and joy in delineating the arc of the thought. Calling every viewpoint a story was a way of motivating me to put pen to paper.
Our minds work in mysterious, unexpected, and delightful ways. I never imagined writing would help me in understanding myself better. The true depth of a muse was only apparent to me once I jotted it down. Elaborating on an inspiration/ nagging thought let me go deep into its workings and its scope and help me navigate my own feelings. I grab the snake by its tail and render it incapable of inflicting damage.
There are certain fancies of the uninitiated, i.e. false expectations/ anticipation of a beginner. When someone begins a new pursuit, he wonders how things tick and (most often than not) finds them daunting. I often worried about how I should start and end articles, as well as the correct method of making transitions. When I started writing consistently, I realized when you do something enough times, you develop an instinct for it.
After the initial growing pains of starting out, gradually the memos on my phone transformed into stories of sorts. There was a collision of two activities, the first one being the act of jotting down something worthwhile, the second one being the act of persevering with the material, smoothening its rough edges.
We are all idea machines, we can’t help thinking. The brain keeps on making up stuff. Every muse or daydream can be discovered and developed into a story of sorts. Neil Gaiman observed everyone gets ideas; it’s just that writers note them down. Jotting them down makes them tangible and brings them to life.
When I get a certain unmissable idea, I make a note of it in my phone. Only now have I realized the merit of this practice. Raw, unadulterated insights and tangents are like blocks of clay, ready to be shaped/molded/define.
There is no better place to ponder than on a piece of paper.
I send these bits to my laptop by e-mail and transfer them to MS word where I rewrite and edit them. I never knew the productivity of the computer until I dove into the writing exercise.
Part 3
It has taken me a while, but I have a wagon full of text already written, and a ton waiting in the trunk, so the fear of reaching a blank state is moot.
Right now I have an ocean of one-liners waiting to be dived into. I have a pertinent fear of forgetting the basis of those ideas. There is guilt of not doing enough (or not being able to do enough) to accelerate my scooter and turbocharge the content churn.
I need practice. But practicing is tough, especially as I am scared of not being up to the challenge, wanting dearly not to fail. I, at times, choose the paradoxical action of freezing up, trying to escape the ordeal, in order to escape the jeopardy and pain.
Like that will help.
If I write and write and write, I will be practicing a lot of words, and relegating the bad words and sentences out of my system. In this approach, what comes to me is more important than what doesn’t. Fretting over what I don’t know or can’t remember is futile.
All my business, economics, and fiction reading aid my writing, as do coherent football commentaries and well written movies. Everything is content, and anything can inspire.
I can’t expect to write little and become an expert of words and meaning. Some words are practiced while writing, many more are while rewriting, and editing. As a rule of thumb, synonyms are a writer’s best friend.
The second when I stop and fetch for the next word and scour my wits (and google) for the next expression is when the magic (of creation) happens. But alongside the promise of creation comes the fear the mind will fail me, and I will prove to be insufficient. The fear demon lies.
The practice in itself is precious, maybe priceless. It is a tough experience, but it imparts (to me) the ability to persevere through a column, paragraph by paragraph, word by word. It’s this churn which creates the material. It gives me the confidence to be the creator and conductor of a whimsy scribbling, and the satisfaction of being the architect of an article. While at it, I have shown evidence (to myself) of the work I am willing to put in the endeavor.
Part 4
The hours and days I spent on fabricating those three articles- a)Northern Ireland’s independence, b)Copper as a commodity, and c)Shani Raja’s telecom piece- were daunting yet rewarding exercises. They taught me infinitely about skill and technique, what works and what doesn’t and what’s to be avoided.
I spent more time on those articles than I wish to give away here. There were sessions upon sessions of rewriting 3,000 word articles, and experimenting with all kinds of tricks and hacks. While partaking in this ordeal, I felt like I was wasting too much time; the output was pathetic; and I was only marinating my skin in my own ineptitude.
But it was never about the output. It was my time. I had the scope and legroom to spend a copious amount (of precious) time on the content, and figure out how its elements worked together. The tortuous rewriting process and the brutal editing sessions thickened my skin and taught me loads. No effort was spared in covering all the view points and polishing all the rough edges.
While writing on job, generally, I never got the time or guidance to write with any kind of nuance, detail or style. Leisurely spending some time with the content, caressing it, sitting on it, and watching it incubate is a joyful experience, if you have the nerve for it.
What would you do with yourself if you had no job to perform and 3 years to burn? I chose to read and write through most of the period. These are the kind of decisions which make us who we end up becoming.
For better or for worse.
The extra mile I went to write the perfect article never got me there. Because perfect doesn’t happen in this universe. They were wrong expectations. But the work I forked out instilled an enormous amount of mettle in me.
This time I spent rewriting gave and gave and gave. I developed the virtue of patience. Because it was so difficult, I gained the confidence of performing difficult tasks.
When I finally became confident in writing at an adequate level, it opened up the possibility I could write something else (in other formats and styles) as well.
The positive self-confirmation generated from being up for it served as a catapult for my involvement in diverse activities, such as exercising, cooking, singing (dancing is also on the agenda {in due time}), and graphic design. When you inculcate one good habit, you soon pick up other ones. Now I understood things take time, but if it is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.
Part 5
Note to self:
The day begins as a dream with an abundance of time, energy, and scope. It however ends in tiredness, and hopelessness. The terminal nature of the end-of-day makes me hit a brick wall, but it actually is not what it seems like. I may not appreciate the output at that moment, but the next day, when I wake up invigorated and energized, I can’t help but marvel over what I created.
A new day brings fresh appreciation for whatever little/substantial labor was put in.
And always,
As a rule,
The work will be of use, even if it’s not of the highest merit. If I worked through a rough patch of despair or ennui, I will be developing (invaluable) character. Not to forget the resultant self-respect of not giving up and persevering through the drag.
Part 6
Note to self:
One file or one paragraph need not have just a single idea, story or arc. This file alone has enough content to be split into 10 articles. The original version has already been split into two parts. The other article is also a hefty 1500 word block. This one is divided into 8 parts which work separately as well as in the form of a solitary lump.
It was just a train of thought.
It’s important to get the juices flowing, and trying not to miss a great idea, realization, or creative tit which may not ever arrive in the future. It’s equally paramount not to overwhelm myself, and know when to stop, for getting the most out of myself.
So we digressed. It surely seems so. Only reading back will tell us if we did or not.
Part 7
With every incidence of changing paragraphs, hunting for the next word/phrase, and choosing from a set of options, there will be a method developing. It will be chiseled each day, little by little.
With the passage of time, the creative and the gatekeeping aspects, the yin and yang, will both balance out. The fearlessness borne out of my proficiency in editing stuff will let me write for hours on end. I will not worry about bad grammar and daft content due to my adeptness in censorship.
I will find comfort in the knowledge I will cut all the superfluous material, and choose passable/commendable words and paragraphs.
The deep urge to stop writing will go away one day.
In a full day of writing, hence fabricated, will contain no distractions of a movie or YouTube- a byproduct of doing something difficult. The travails of filling a blank sheet of paper will go tata bye-bye as I write and write and write. One day it will come easy, and I will be a machine, a conveyer belt of ideas and articles.
There will be a well-defined timeline. No chances will go wanting; no dreams and reveries shall be missed. It will be a system with well-defined and tested rules. Writing will come to me just as easily as market research and macroeconomics came earlier.
I will ditch the fear of failure, and only concentrate on the possibilities. I will focus on filling gaps, not tearing my hair over them; working on issues and not hiding from them.
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